I got out of my sister's house but, not because of my eldest sister. I had sent her a text asking for a ride to Taylor's. I even offered to pay for gas (of course I just find it rude not to pay for that long of a trip) but, to no avail. So who came to my rescue?
My ex-brother-inlaw's new wife.
That's right. My ex-brother-inlaw's wifey. My sister didn't even return my text. Seriously, what is up with my family? I never even ask for shit from these people. Never. (In fact I hate asking for help when I need it because I'm a stubborn 20 year old who wants to make it out on her own without relying on other people because it makes me feel pathetic about my life in general). I feel like they don't care but, oh well. I've decided that if my family won't help me in my times of need or if they do but, treat my like shit for it (I'll just never understand how you can be pissed at someone because YOU offered to help them out and they accepted the help) or use me for my money because they believe that I got more from my dad's death then they did and are pissed about that I'll adopt my own family. I still have some biological family that I'm thankful for. I just wish I had my siblings like I did when I was younger. :/
I'm not ungrateful for my sister allowing me into her house when my mother and I had our falling out but, her husband is a horrible person who treats her and her children wrongly and I can't stand living with someone like that. Like I said in my last post he has tried putting his hands on my sister. I've also heard him threaten to beat some sense into her and just last night he was cussing out my 10 month old baby niece. He also refereed to my sister's sons (his stepchildren) as inbreeds. I love her to death. We've been through so much shit together; our mother's verbal and or physical abuse, our father's heavy drinking and the fights that broke out between our parents and his drinking and other matters. I feel bad about this but, I honestly can't keep her in my life if she's with her husband. This completely reminds me of an old friendship I had that started in grade school and lasted till around the beginning of high school.
You see in year 2 I was sat near this girl who quickly became my bestie. We fought like all besties do over silly things and would always make up and be happy besties once again. Then at the end of my grade school years my parents got divorced and I had to move to a new place and a different school (well I was already going to be going to a different school but, it was a different one then what I thought it was going to be) and I never got to hang out with her again. We stayed in touch through phone calls though. Well this is when my mother and I started to not get along. I was pissed off at her for the divorce and making me go to a new school. I had just turned 12 so I was honestly a big brat about it but, I think it's only because I was depressed and didn't know how to deal with shit so I acted out. Eventually I reached the age where I could legally decide which parent I wanted to live with. I chose my father despite his drinking because I missed my home, family, and most of all my friends and that one very best girlfriend I had for so long. Well I came back and she was sleeping around and doing drugs. Now I have a brother who did that shit and I know what ends up to people like that. I loved her so much that I tired to save her and got hell from her and her new "friends" for it. It made my life a living hell. First my parents got divorced then my bestie ditched me for a bad crowd who had too much sex, drugs, and booze at too young an age. It was all to much for me to deal with and that when my mental illness really started to show. Eventually I learned that it was no good for me to be near her and her new group of friends and that they was nothing I could do to save her from the life choices she made and therefore I walked away from our friendship. I unfortunately feel like this is what I have to do to my sister. She has put herself into a relationship with a guy that is no good to be around and I just have to walk away. It hurts but, I just have to do it for myself. I can't be the person to save everyone as much as I would love to be that sister, friend, whatever that is just so helpful and is able to save the ones I love.
But, enough of all the sad pathetic whining. I'm already depressed enough so now that I'm out of that house I can finally focus on the good. So let's list the positives!
I get to have a relationship with my nephews and niece again. While I lose the relationship of my two younger nieces I will be able to go to the after school sports and other activities of my other nephews and the only niece I have here.
I'll get to have my ex-brother-inlaw back in my life. Yeah that's right, I love my ex-brother-inlaw. Him and my sister dated for so long that I practically grew up with him as an actual brother. While I have two biological brothers, one is a drug addict and the other wasn't around due to my father's heavy drinking but, Adam was there. We were super close and I miss the brother sister relationship we had.
I'll get to reconnect with all my friends that are here in the states. While I have lots of friends here in the states they are all in southwest Indiana because well that's where my family moved to and it's the only place in the states I have lived. Now since all of us have graduated I have a few friends that are in other states or cities because of college or because they joined the military. Well now that I'm back down here in my American hometown I get to see and reconnect with friends I haven't talked to in years.
I get to visit my father's grave. I haven't been to his grave since he died in 2010. If anyone has lost someone close especially a parent you have to know how hard it is to not be able to visit their grave. I find going to loved ones graves helpful in the grieving process and I knew got to do this and I feel like I need to to help me grieve. I just want to sit there and talk to Vatti.
I can walk around without getting lost because it's not a huge city
This one is silly but seriously I haven't been able to just roam about in so long because I've lived in such major cities in this state haha
There is a possibility that Taylor and I can have this apartment I called about a few weeks ago. I just need to find out when we both can go look at it
I could find a sister figure in my ex-brother-inlaws wife because she's awesome and sweet and beautiful inside and out. Now I'm not religious, I'm actually an atheist but, I have plenty of friends and family that take part in one religion or another. They range from Catholic to Pagen. You're probably wondering why I'm stating this and that is because Adam and his wife are trying to have a baby. She has been pregnant twice and miscarried both times. The second time was actually just a few weeks ago. I just wanted those who do have a religion to please pray to your God, Goddess, or whatever you pray to for her to have a baby because she deserves to be a mommy. She'll be a great mommy. I want her to have a baby and be the mommy she deserves to be because she's full of awesomesauce. I've known her for a long time now and it just breaks my heart that someone so deserving of motherhood is struggling to achieve it while there are girls who just give up their kids not because they can't provide for them (It's totally understandable to give a child away when you can't provide for them. After all it is for the wellbeing of the baby.) but, because of incredibly selfish reasons like "I don't to take responsibility for my actions i just wanna get drunk and party whool!" type stuff. It's not fair. Yeah I know life isn't fair but, come on. That one just sucks as my firmed James would say... big hairy ones.